FADE IN:
          
          INT. VOID - DAY
          
          Standing in a nonexistent set is ANDY KAUFMAN, looking a bit
          nervous.  Wide-eyed, tentative, he stares at us with a
          needy, unsettling cuteness.  His hair is slicked-down, and
          he wears the "FRIENDLY WORLD" costume from the Andy Kaufman
          special.
          
          Finally, Andy speaks -- in a peculiar FOREIGN ACCENT.
          
                               ANDY (AS FOREIGN MAN)
                    Hallo.  I am Andy.  Welcoom to my
                    movie.
                         (beat; he gets
                         upset)
                    I hoped the story of my life would
                    be nice...but it turned out
                    terrible!  It is all LIES!  Tings
                    are mixed up... real people I knew
                    play different people.  WHAT A MESS!
                    So I broke into Universal and cut
                    out the junk.  Now it's much
                    shorter.  In fact, this is the end
                    of the movie.  So tanks for comink!
                    Bye-bye!
                    
          Andy puts a needle on a phonograph, and swelling CLOSING
          CREDITS MUSIC starts to play.  FINAL CREDITS roll.
          
          Andy stands frozen, awkwardly looking at the audience.
          Every time the music ends he picks up the needle and
          restarts the music.  He does that as many times as the
          credits require.
          
          Finally, CREDITS END.  And then--a sly smile.  He leans in.
          DROPS HIS ACCENT and WHISPERS.
          
                               ANDY (AS REGULAR VOICE)
                    Okay!  Just my friends are left.  I
                    wanted to get rid of those other
                    people... they would have laughed in
                    the wrong places.
                         (beat)
                    I was only kidding about the
                    movie... it's actually PRETTY GOOD!
                    It shows everything... from me as a
                    little boy until my death --
                         (his eyes pop; he
                         covers his mouth)
                    Oops!!  I wasn't supposed to talk
                    about that!  Oh.  Eh, uh, we better
                    just begin.  It starts back in Great
                    Neck, Long Island...